In essence, I’m at work, and my emotions are like a runaway roller coaster that won’t stop. I started out my day, rambling in my car about how I don’t want to be a mother, and imagining my family hearing my tirade about why I shouldn’t have to be a mother, blah blah blah, when the sun peaked out from behind the cloudy front that sailed away on eastbound and blinded me.
I walked to my desk, signed on, and saw that my terminal decided to react to my energy; the old timer just felt like throwing a tantrum; was wanting to go back to sleep, and not work. So, I had to knock her out with the tip of my finger, and revive her again to restart her day. She has worked well since, though with a bit of difficulty in the beginning.
Today has been a bit of a ride since I got in, and I have done what I could to handle this busy day, and I find myself a bit of balance. However, that balance was ruined at lunch when some old emotions I thought I’d dealt with a while ago resurfaced.
I recently lost contact with a friend, and I am not happy I did… She and I were close; like sisters, but it ended over a trivial misunderstanding. Don’t you hate those? Anyway, she’s not talking to me; I lost contact with her little family, and I’m sad and angry about it. I wasn’t even really there when everything fell apart, and I was punished; or, at least, that’s how it has felt for months now. Friends for over ten years, and something I had no control over dashes it to ashes; probably never to recover, even though a close friend of ours said she’d come around, and to give her time… Not bloody likely; not with how close we were, I doubt she will. Let’s just say it would surprise me the same as a balloon eating my head out of nowhere.
Now, it is the afternoon, and I’m figuring that the office life might slow down a little, just enough for me to get a few things done, but I’m not fully convinced. I have too much on my plate, and I have no idea where the rest of this day will go. All I know, is that I have gone way too long without writing anything of consequence, and I think this is my main outlet now. At least this helps me cope with my crazy life, or so I hope it will. This is my first public journal blog post, so I guess we’ll have to see where this goes; what do ya say? Leave a comment, or like if you must. Talk to me, I’d be glad to hear from you, as I’m incredibly bored here…