Have you ever thought that you, too, could be carrying chains within your soul, just like Jacob Marley in a Christmas Carol? Yeah, me neither. Chains can have many meanings, or reasons for existing. Such as an event with someone you once knew that hurt your heart, as well as theirs so completely, that it ties you both together, whether or not you’re talking. Or someone who hurt you in your past, so badly that you can’t get passed it, and you can’t understand why. Those two reasons are from my experiences, and from those who are close to me.
I recently lost a friend (We’ll call her Tilly) who was very dear to me; we’d been close for over ten years. Due to a misunderstanding, Tilly refuses to speak to me, or anyone tied to me, and she has no idea that I did nothing to cause the pain.
Therefore, Tilly sees fit to shut me from her life, and hold everyone else I know at a distance, even though she knows nothing of what happened, only the assumptions that came to her mind.
Have any of you (those reading this) gone through this? The question I have, is whether or not the pain ever ends. I have gone through bouts of anger, frustration, tears, sadness, and also experience waves of not caring about my friend anymore, and moving on. I feel like I’m being punished for what Tilly is going through, and it’s rough going through this. I asked my other friend (Beth, that’s a decent name) to say to Tilly that I’m waiting to talk whenever she’s ready, but I have heard nothing.
This morning, I don’t remember how it came to it, but I discussed this incident with a co-worker I’m close with, and it just doesn’t seem like things will get better at all. I feel more and more angry each time I talk about it. I’d been there for Tilly through everything, including saving her family from a harmful abusive situation, and it feels like the relationship wasn’t what I thought it was, especially if one little misunderstanding could destroy such a strong friendship in a matter of minutes…
Needless to say, I feel the need to remove trinkets, pictures, and other reminders from my life, even though Beth said to give her time, but still… It doesn’t feel good to receive only silence when I’m innocent.
I guess it can be stated at this point that I, myself, am asking for advice… I can’t really give too much details publicly, as Tilly would have a fit, but it’s not easy saying any more than I have in this blog post.
I feel chained to my current emotions, as if that is what she wants. I have helped my closest friends find chains they’d suffered from that were attached to various situations similar to this one, and they were large. A couple friends were encased in their chains so badly, it seemed as if, to them, a weight had been lifted off their souls, and their bodies. I know I carry quite a few myself, but until then, what do I do? How did you deal with your chains? Do you cut them? Do you talk to the person at the center of the pain? Do you just move on without even trying to reconcile? Feel free to comment below.