Do I Have To Choose?

Once again, I find myself at a crossroads; I am left with the decision to either stay in my present position, or find another, which one just popped up, and vacate this position. I found out that a great co-worker, and backup, has decided to resign due to the department not being where she wanted to stay.

Now, everything I shouldn’t be doing will, once again, be handed back down to me. It feels as if I’m not allowed to do the job I originally applied for, and was hired on to do. This is the second year someone is resigning from that position, and it turns out there’s nothing to it, all because they broke the position that already existed.

Who am I?

I am a writer who has been told many times to move up into a copywriting position. One just opened up at my location. However, there are a lot of responsibilities alongside the writing, which could add up and cause me to be bogged down to the point where I would go home exhausted mentally, and then I won’t be able to write anything as I wanted to. I was hoping to make a schedule around writing daily, but that would put a damper on that.

I also want to write fictional novels/short stories, but I have too much on my hands. I have long stories of fanfiction written that have not been posted due to no time to edit them. It’s been difficult getting back into those worlds after so long a period of time being away from them. I am someone who immerses herself into a realm, and doesn’t like to leave. If I do copywriting, then I would be looking at having issues with not writing fiction on a daily basis.

Near Future Writing Plans

I have many plans in store regarding my writing, and where I plan to go with it, and I’m hoping nothing stops me. I do have an enemy who has caused me fear of getting myself out there as a writer. I know I could write under an alias, or submit smut to Harlequin and remain anonymous from her, but the stories I have in my arsenal are not smut material. I am fixated on spiritual, sci-fi, and action stories, with some hints of mystery. I’ve written various different types of stories over the years, and all of them are well-liked by those who have read them, but it comes down to breaking out into the world.

I have a lot of fears to overcome, and I guess I haven’t paid myself enough attention as far as my talents. I know I am meant to write something meaningful that would launch me into the limelight, touching the hearts of people everywhere, or at least that’s the vision I have been handed. I have a few stories that I can run with, but the one I started, I am no longer in that frame of mind, and I don’t know where to go with it.

Writing Issues Arise

I have an issue of writing what means something to me, and when I’m out of that situation, the story is meaningless. I don’t know how to hold onto it. The stories I have posted online on various fanfiction websites are mildly beloved, but not widely shared as they used to be years ago. My voice hasn’t changed, but my writing skills have, and it’s hard, now, to gain the same response as I used to. I don’t know what has happened, but it is disconcerting that I am not thriving as I was years ago.

One could say it’s because I am meant to move on; sure, I get that, but that is the only outlet for fiction I have right now. I don’t want to mix this site with fiction, as it is for ramblings, and non-fictional material. Sure, I can set up another blog for my fiction, but would that do any good to help, as I would be writing original fiction that could be used anywhere? Not really. There’s a lot to consider, and protecting my work is essential.

What Are My Fears, Really?

I have an ex-friend who has been stalking me for about a decade now, who was a close friend years ago. She is crafty with the internet, and poses as other people to get them signed up for things they don’t want. She is a master manipulator, and very possessive, and caused issues between my friends and I years ago. Leaving her in the dust was the hardest thing to achieve. Right now, she’s dormant; I have not spoken with her for five years or more, and she has stopped emailing me. She faves the pages I’m on, and sends me messages wanting me to rekindle with her.

I know each celebrity has at least one stalker in their career, and they all deal with it differently. However, this girl has me so scared, I’m afraid to get my name on the map. She finds my email addresses, my websites, and pictures of me everywhere. Now, I know what you’re thinking, I should’ve dove off the internet if I knew this, but I felt I had a right, just as much as everyone, to be on the net. I don’t know how, but she found out that I lost a family member, and I tried to keep her away from the information because I didn’t want her reaching out to my family about it.

I have a fear she will appear before me at a book signing, or in the audience one day, and I would have to be cordial to her, which would be impossible. I once found myself in the same store with her parents. I dropped what I was going to buy, and left out the side door. Just that day alone showed me where I am as far as being well-known, I’m afraid of it. Sure, I can use an alias, but it would only be a matter of time before the paparazzi would find a picture of me, and put me all over the news.


I know I have written quite a decent amount of blog posts on here about various subjects, but I noticed I only have favorites, not comments from my readers. If anyone wants to speak, comment, or email me on any of these posts, please, feel free. Especially on this subject; it’s a doozy for me.



Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )


Connecting to %s