Marriage On the Rocks?

A Difficult start

Marriage for sixteen years of life is quite a feat these days. My husband and I have braved quite a lot over these sixteen years, totaling up above twenty when counting how long we’ve been together since we started dating stage in high school. He is a good man, and I am a good and loyal woman. Our marriage is strong in many areas, save for the physical department as of recently.

Living alone with my husband while in college was wonderful, and I yearn for those years, as they were the most defining years of my life. I got a glimpse of myself as a housewife, a cook, a cleaner, and had a chance to see what it’s like to handle things on my own alongside my husband.

We survived, but hated getting off the roller coaster. We wanted to stay out in the boonies, but didn’t at the same time. It was fun, it was a riot, and we felt like adults for the first time in our adult lives. We had only us to take care of, and our small budget went fairly far. I cried when we let our lease lapse so we could move back home, and now I understand why.

During that time, my husband was beginning the harsh journey of studying for and taking the CPA exams. He was under such stress, it was grating on his body and soul. He had times where he holed himself up in the student business building on his days off, and barely came home. There were also times when he stayed out by my mother’s house while delivering pizzas for Domino’s out by her, as his job and her were a half-hour away from us.

We had our rough patches out there as well, but they came along toward the end of his studies, and tests, when his brain felt like it was mush. He was a bit more hot-tempered, and he found it rough keeping his composure. On top of that, we’d moved back six months prior, and my mother was interrupting him at every turn he took.

When he passed his last test, I cheered because he was free of study, and could relax. We waited for his bonus and began house hunting. And now, here we are; a week out from signing the papers to own our first home.

The Importance of Privacy

My husband has struggled with intimacy since he started studying for the CPA exams, and now, it seems, it has to do with my mother, and privacy. These days, after losing tons of weight, and having her knee surgery, she’s light as a feather on her feet, so we have no idea where she is in the house, and he worries she’s right there, and he can’t express himself.

I feared the worst when he offered for my mother to temporarily move in till we sold the house, but I looked at it as a prolonged nightmare. I looked into the affects of prolonged starvation of intimacy, and it’s not pretty. The stress he’d gone through while we were living out of town was bad enough, but now? A year later? I’m hoping we are able to turn back the affects, and heal them.

I spoke with my mother on the need for privacy, and how small the house is; meaning it’s not conducive for prolonged stay. She understood, and said she would hang back at the house until it’s sold. I told her that we’d still help her if she needed it, and she thanked me. She still wants to fix up the house, which is good, and hopefully it can be done in a month.

However, at this time, I’m stoked about the move, the house, and getting a chance to set up the house to our liking, with no one telling us what we can and can’t do inside our own home. I look forward to sitting within those warm walls, and enjoying my life with my husband, finally.

Leaving the Shackin’-Up Dynamic Behind

These days, it’s common to have to shack up together, seeing as so many young people coming into their own are going out into the world with broken promises, and inflation higher than is affordable on a college student’s income. My niece will struggle when she comes of age, and it’s sad, to say the least.

All in all, as apartment prices rise above affordability, it amazes me on how the owners of these once affordable establishments sleep at night, forcing tenants to struggle to afford rent so they can keep a roof over their head. Housing shouldn’t be capitalized on; it should be a right. As humans can only survive so long out in the elements, housing should be a given, like a basic income, and health care.

Rights should be staples that are established and can never be taken away. Housing and health care should be rights we all receive upon birth, and should never be able to be altered or touched by anyone but ourselves. Seeing people struggle over what the top 1% thinks they have the right to control is madness. These billionaires are afraid of losing their livelihoods, when they are still making money, hand over fist. While the blue collar workers struggle to keep even mac and cheese on their plates for one meal a day.

With the inflation of goods over the years steadily climbing, and further outweighing the base income of jobs, it has taken us sixteen years to reach this point, and that is not conducive for young married couples to have privacy, or have their livelihoods as they should.

Changes in Society

I have noticed a change in society, and human life expectancy; humans are living longer, and the thirties are becoming the new twenties, while the twenties are reflecting more of the teenage years. People are starting to make smarter choices, and are living longer, and taking better care of themselves. It’s interesting to see this outcome as less and less couples are deciding to remain single, and not marry so soon. My husband and I were 23 and 21 when we married. By these days standards, that was young.

In my time, that was right in the middle, as most people in their early 20’s aren’t normally thinking about marriage, they’re in college wracking up debt, and partying. That is why when I tell people how long I’ve been married for, their eyes bug out, and they can’t believe it. I have a young complexion, but shimmery silvers are shining through my long, dark locks, so that gives my age away.

Are You Planning Your Brood, Finally?

At almost forty, my husband and I still feel young, although kids are still not in the question. It’s funny, as that came up with us getting our first home, and I said, “No likely, as sixteen wonderful years have passed, and no possible inkling, or oops’s have arisen.” It took my husband quite a while, but he hasn’t bothered me about children in a little while, but that is not why we’re getting the home.

It’s funny, but society puts molds up in front of individuals, and people feel it’s okay to put those expectations on individuals, causing us to feel like we’re not normal, like we’re doing something wrong, or like we’re depriving society of our offspring. That’s not the case, since a woman of my age is at higher risk of having a child with special needs. I am not selfish enough to force a child into this world with a body that’s automatically broken (my opinion, not the world’s). I see what my niece will have to contend with, and I don’t want to subject an innocent to the same issues I am facing now, or worse.

Our Home, Our Rules, Our Little Society

We are indeed ready for this change, and we are learning quite a bit as we’re going through this process. We’re a little scared, as we’ve never owned a home before; just rented. Since my father passed, more members of my in laws have stepped forward to help us with repairs, decisions, and knowledge for keeping a house up, for what steps to take, to, “Sure! I’ll fix that for you.”

We are excited that we will finally have a small piece of the world we can call our own; our own private little paradise, where we can decide how to live our lives, and not affect the lives of others because of it. We looked at paint colors, we looked at decorations. We’ve also made some decisions on furniture, and outdoor essentials for the comforts of home.

Whether children grace our halls is completely up to us and God, and no one else, as we have older children that can grace us with noise, but our walls will first absorb our own. The house is solid, safe, warm, and inviting. No previous deaths to speak of, more than likely only one other couple has owned the home as it’s only 11 years old, so we got ourselves a great deal! Awesome neighborhood, hopefully great neighbors, and plenty of good years to come.

 

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