(The above picture is not my mother’s house, nor is it mine, thank goodness…)
Well, My husband and I are just about settled into our new home completely. We are happier than we’ve ever been, and are nervous with the years ahead, as we’re finally here; it feels like a surreal dream we never thought would come true.
Now, there’s the matter of my mother’s house. She recently fell off her couch, somehow, and broke her tailbone. Now, she didn’t stumble, she didn’t trip, and it had nothing to do with stairs, so she’s fully capable, just a bit clumsy regarding the couch.
We’re chewing at the bit on how we plan to do this, but I was hoping to schedule some time off to rent a dumpster, and help clean out her house, after mine is completely settled in. We’re close, but not where we want to be. We still have items in the garage, in boxes, so we’re not there yet.
We need to get things into the house, and stored away, donated, or put where they belong. Plus, my office is not set up yet, so that needs tending to, but it’s minor compared to my mother’s situation.
She is on her own now, financially, and who knows how long she’ll be able to manage that way. She broke her tailbone, and broke another spot in her back, and I’m worried. Her doctor told her that she just needs to take it easy for four weeks, and she’ll be fine, but I’m still worried if this injury could lead to more falls.
I joked, and told my mother, “We can’t take you anywhere,” told her to take it easy, and divulged what my plans are. My husband has been telling me to go see her, and give her attention; however, I get so wrapped in the new home. I keep wanting to clean it, and keep it clean. I guess, due to my sister’s bad housekeeping skills, and my previous times trying to keep up a house, I don’t want to keep the same idiosyncrasies going.
So, I am itching to get the time off to do this for my mom, and maybe ask some friends to help out. It’s hard making mom wait, but at the point, it’s difficult setting up the money to do what we need to do.
Right now, I am enjoying my new life, and hoping things just continue to get better, and better. My relationship with my husband has become much more relaxed, and happy, and we are growing closer together, working more as a team, and I don’t feel so lazy, as my mother tended to suck the energy out of me, asking me to help her with menial things.
Now, we’re fending for ourselves, and working things out, ourselves. It feels great to have such freedoms. My husband and I are delegating off who does what, and we’ve become quite the team. This house is ‘our’ house, and we are making it our own. We are excited to come home every day, and wake up every morning to see it’s just us.
We have come to the conclusion that there’s nothing like owning a home, and having our own place to call our own. Renting, and shacking up can be fun at times, but not when you’re older than twenty; that’s just my opinion.
When it comes to helping my mom, I do my best to find the time to visit and catch up on things. I am coming to terms now with the fact that I am the only one who is willing to learn how to do something to help her out, I feel the burden on my shoulders, and I cringe every time she calls or sends texts now.
Don’t get me wrong, I love her to pieces, and I will be learning how to start a pool filter for her so she can clean the pool out, and also empty it a bit with the rains being plentiful this summer. Her roof is a higher concern than her pool, mind you, but the pesky older, nosy neighbor of hers is the one getting on her case about what’s going on with the pool.
That’s one thorn in my mother’s side I would love to remove for good; her pesky, retired, realtor neighbor. She’s the type to call the city because a neighbor down her street hadn’t mowed their lawn for over a week; you know the type. She claims the pertinence of not doing things, or keeping up with one’s yard, can lower the value of her own, and she’s not even looking to sell it.
She lives in a slab house right behind my mother’s house, it’s elevation is lower than my mother’s, and she’s had nothing but problems whenever it rains really badly. As soon as she sees standing water in her yard, she’s almost ready to jump over my mother’s fence into her yard and break into her home and scream at her for owning a pool, when it’s not even my mother’s pool causing the issue.
Anyway, words were said about my family by this neighbor, and my sister wants my mother out of the house badly, simply because she’s harassing her. Me, I’ve told mom not to listen to the woman, as the city isn’t going after my mother for anything; they know my mother’s situation, and understand she lost her husband.
My sister wanted to take everything out of the backyard, saying it would help sell the house faster, and easier. True, but really? The problem lies in the fact that tearing out the paradise my father built would be more expensive for us, than if we just tended to the pool, and sold the house with the yard as is.
Whenever I go to my mother’s house, it’s so cluttered, I have no idea where to begin. I have no idea what it is going to take to get things going, nor do I know how much it will take to rent a dumpster. My husband wants to do a garage sale, but it would be too much trouble. Not only that, but I doubt my mother will make all that much selling what she owns, it’s all stuff that has no value, save for a gift I got them for their anniversary a few years back.
But, all in all, I am dealing, and I am wheeling along. Nothing’s got me down, and nothing’s got me upset, save for the fact that I was never expecting my father to die, and we never expected it would happen within 6 months of his diagnosis. He fought so hard, and now, he’s dangling around my neck in a gorgeous pewter heart with his birthstone on it.
I guess that’s not usually where people wish to be after death, but if you think about it, it is sentimental, and sweet. I can’t leave the house without him with me. Having him with me has helped me cope through the loss, and come to terms with the separation. I wasn’t amazingly close with my father throughout my life, but he and I became closer toward the end. I was there however I could be, and I was the first one to see him in the hospital after his kidneys failed.
But, he’s no longer suffering now; however, we’re left behind to clean up years of pack-ratting, and years of letting the house go, instead of finishing the projects he’d started when he was still physically able.
However, my father aside, the point is that I am working on myself, and my discipline to get the work done, since no one else will. Not only that, but after moving into the new house, I learned the hard way that I am only able to lift so much with my bad shoulder now. I can only do so much at a time, and I have to take a knee. I’m not the spring chicken I was before last year, when I worked in the physically demanding job I had.
I have come to learn that my body deteriorates without physical activity, and that I need to get back in shape. I could start off easy, simple, and do the treadmill at the gym three days a week, with some easy lifting, and then belly dancing at home on the off days, just to get my body used to moving again. Talk about ideals, but now that I have a nice, wide living room with a high ceiling, it’s possible for me to practice easily.
To close, my life is mirroring one expression everyone’s heard at least once in their lives:
So much to do, so little time.